NCFSR (Nailsworth Centre for Space Research) made the news headlines yesterday after announcing that it had built the first ever base on the moon. Media activity was at an unprecedented level in the town with television crews and reporters from around the world converging at NCFSR. The moon station was assembled in complete secrecy during the last five years in one of the large old hangers at the far west side of Nailsworth International Airport. We think it's Hanger No6, beside Hanger No5, the one that contains the early town cloaning experiment, but we're not certain. Many of the materials for the moon station, code named 'Avalon' were sourced from the Horsley tip, which explains the fuss they make when you put the wrong rubbish in the wrong bin. This also explains why they don't take certain other types of rubbish such as tyres. Twenty five secret journeys in the 'Naily Space Shuttle' were needed to transport the building and supplies to the moon, most of which occurred under the cover of darkness from the old abandoned runway. The staff for the moon base are almost entirely from Nailsworth, as we have the best scientists in the world. A couple of bearded stock brokers from Svalbard are also part of the team but we're not quite sure why. The bulk of the new station is built underground to protect it from the deadly radiation found in space which we are naturally protected from with the Earth's atmosphere. Food is grown in large greenhouses, with a huge greenhouse containing young trees and plants to provide a steady supply of breathable air. Water is from a series of very deep bore holes. A well hidden secret about the moon is that it is saturated with water from thousands of years ago when it was hit by Comet Alice, a huge block of ice the size of Australia. The old stories in circulation about why the Americans never went back to the moon because they were warned off by 'aliens' living on the dark side seem to be largely unfounded. NCFSR has had no such encounters. The official reason for building the space station is to look for important minerals for export back to earth to replace our own dwindling supplies. The unofficial story is that it's got something to with Nailsworth Ministry looking for somewhere else to control Nailsworthians from. During the building of the moon base, many surveys were carried out on the moon looking for left over starched flags, footprints and bits of old Apollo lander modules etc from the old Apollo missions. So far no evidence has been found to suggest that anyone has been on the moon before the NCFSR project. This could mean that Nailsworth is in fact the first to the moon. The Giant Space Telescope (TGST) based in Forest Green at the space centre has been trained on the moon for many months now and while we have repeatedly asked for a photograph of the moon base taken with the TGST, NCFSR have so far refused our wishes. We have had to resort to an artists impression, taken after studying the moon through a pair of scratched binoculars. Yes we know it's rubbish, but it's the best we can manage.

Related Information

NCFSR 'Surface Roamer' , NCFSR Launch Advanced Orbiter

News items for the Nailsworth Chronicle can be sent to: The Nailsworth Chronicle, PO Box 7, Stroud, GL6 0YS. or by e-mail