In the ever present battle to prevent cars from running into dark black objects, which we shall call 'cows' on the common a high tech Nailsworth electronics company has come up with an 'Incar Cow Radar System', ICCRS for short.

The Nailsworth Chronicle spoke to the marketing department of the previously mentioned company for more information on the device which we could print here, but because it's so technical we didn't understand a word of it, so we had to go and talk to Tracy Simpson, one of the many secretaries the firm employes.

In essence, the device works like a conventional radar system. It sends out a high frequency radio signal and times how long it takes to return after bouncing off an object, usually metal. The new device uses a different kind of signal that only bounces of cattle, which is what makes the ICCRS so special for this area.

The 'Chronicle' delivery van was fitted with the new device and taken for a test run accross the common in the dead of night to give it a little test. Initial testing went very well, with the device emitting warnings along the lines of 'Cattle at 10 o'clock, 10 yards'. The device reports warnings to you verbally, not unlike the computer that was fitted into the Austin Rover wonder product The Maestro. To be fair, when the radar gives out a warning it dosent go 'Bing Bong' like the Maestro computer did. When it worked.

The 'Chronicle' van was being guided around the cattle efficiently until suddenly 'Blam', the van stopped dead in it's tracks. Fortunatly the driver was very sensible and had been traveling at 30MPH (it's 40mph on the common) and the low speed impact left him unharmed. The 'Chronicle' van, oddly enough a Meastro, predictably fell to bits on impact, with it's computer uttering dire warnings about low engine oil pressure. The fact that the engine sump cover was 100yards back down the road probably had something to do with it.

What caused the 'Blam' and the total failure of of the Maestro? It had hit a large brick in the middle of the road, which had fallen from a lorry that belonged the Cheam Brick Company in London. The lorry was returning back to base after dropping off a ton of bricks to an address in Bristol. The ICCRS system failed to spot the brick, hence 'Blam' no sump cover, no Maestro.

So is the ICCRS system a worthwile addition to your car? It is after all quite expensive at £895+VAT. Well in our case no, but it did detect the cattle, so it does seem to work.

Anyone want to buy a sumpless Maestro van?