Welcome to Nailsworth International Airport, home to NFLY, Nailsworth's very own carrier. The airport is situated somewhere near the town centre, but as we can't find ourselves on any maps we are not quite sure of our exact location.

If you would like to telephone us, we can give you some very vague directions. Our lines are very busy and it make take you some time to get a connection. Please try again and again and again if you can't get through. You call is important to us. We just can't justify spending any money paying people to answer a telephone when we can get a PC to do it for free. I'm sure you understand.

The airport has all the usual facilities that you come to expect from a high quality airport such as fully flushing lavatories, a bar called 'The Air Intake' where we supply a fine selection of alcoholic beverages and a cafe. The usual selection of retail outlets found at airports of this standard are available where you can buy many faulty electrical goods and socks. The socks are not faulty. Of course, all goods are VAT free, but you will be held up for an extra half an hour while the sales staff try to sell you an extended warranty that frankly is not worth the paper it's printed on.

Once you have had one to many in the Air Intake, you can make your way to the waiting lounges to await your call to check in. The toilets are again fully flushing in this area. Large windows show a fine view of the runway, where you can enjoy a warm view of the airport activities. Tea and coffee is available, as are salt and vinegar crisps. The crisps however will need to booked one week in advance.

Finally, you will be called to board the aircraft. Depending on the type of aircraft and the destination, you may need to walk across the apron to reach the aircraft. The apron is not that thing that your mum straps on to do the housework. it's an airport term that basically means the the flat concrete area where planes park up. Once strapped in the aircraft will roar down the runway that is not quite long enough on full thrust, and just about manage to get you in the air. If the blades from the wind turbine are in the wrong position the aircraft will hit them, so you can imagine what a well timed and precision operation this is. This precise and well timed operation is controlled by the highly trained but unmotivated staff working in the tower. The 'Tower' at Nailsworth International houses the very latest computers and radar systems to ensure the safety of any passengers using the terminal.

Thank you for using Nailsworth International. Have a nice day.

Nailsworth International Airport is pure fiction